Leaving Them Behind

If a smile like this can't make your day, you're having a pretty bad day. I tell myself this several times a day. Every time I see one of the babies or Carter smile, I know that everything is going to be all right. Addyson now has two teeth on the top and two on the bottom and I love how they shine when she gives a big grin. Sawyer is still trying to get his two on the top. Poor guy has been incredibly grouchy the last two weeks. I know it will pass though. He is really becoming a Mommy's boy. Every time I pick him up, he lays his head on my chest and it just melts my heart.


We've had a busy week, and are preparing for an even busier weekend. The kids are all going to stay with Casey's parent's for a couple days while Casey and I go skiing with the teens at church. I'm incredibly torn. I am really excited about going. I love to ski, although I have a tendency to run people over (on accident of course). However, I am dreading leaving my kiddos behind. I know they will be well taken care of and I don't worry a bit, but just not having them to hold or see their smiles will be so hard. Carter is about to go crazy, he's so excited to be able to spend 2 nights with "Pops" and "Sue-Sue." We'll see if that all changes when it's time to go to bed. Hopefully, I will get some pictures while we're there and post next week. So bye for now.

First Shot

Okay, so this is my first time ever doing this, but I have just started reading some blogs that my friends from high school and college are doing and thought it is something I need to do. If not for anybody else, for myself, just to vent.

My life is extremely chaotic right now. I have a three year old, Carter, who I might add is too adorable and smart. Then I have 11 month old twins, Sawyer and Addyson, who are the little loves of my life. I never imagined I could love two babies at the same time as much as I do them. How do we find that much love to give to each child? I'll never understand it, but I couldn't imagine my life without them.

Okay, so back to the day we found out we were having twins. When Carter was about 1 1/2, we decided we were ready to have a brother OR a sister for him. When we arrived at the doctor for our first sonogram, we were terribly excited. I was around 10 weeks I think. The nurse began by asking if we were on fertility drugs. We thought it weird that she would ask that, since we didn't remember this round of questions with Carter. Then she asked if multiples ran in our family. We began to get nervous. She then informed us that we were expecting two babies, not one and showed us on the sonogram. I totally lost it inside, but tried to keep my composure. Case almost fell off his stool and we just stared at each other, neither one sure what to make of this or if we should voice how we were feeling. They gave us some time to let the news sink in before we saw the doctor and we finally began sharing our concerns with each other. Needless to say, we were both shocked, excited, terrified, what other adjectives can I add? I was scared that my small frame wouldn't be able to carry two babies for very long. Case was afraid of the cost of adding two more babies to the family. The worries were endless, but what could we do?

After we broke the news to our friends and family, reality began to sink in. The months passed and I began to grow larger and larger. Every doctor visit was scary, but each time the babies looked great. We decided to find out the sex since there was two of them. We loved not knowing with Carter, but thought it better to be prepared this time. We were thrilled when we found out we were having a boy AND a girl. Case was finally going to get his little girl that he had secretly wanted all along.
Skip to 36 weeks along. I thought I was going to die. Case was working out of town a lot and so I was left to care for Carter alone. I was so big that I couldn't bend over which made a lot of things difficult, especially bath time. When I was able to sleep, it had to be in the recliner. I was begging my doctor to take these babies! Finally, at 37 1/2 weeks, my doctor said the babies seemed big enough to go ahead and take them, though there were several complications possible. I wholeheartedly agreed to the C-section and on Saturday morning, March 15, 2008, the Lord gave us two healthy babies, each weighing in at 5 lbs, 12. oz each. How crazy that they both weighed the same? They were beautiful and absolutely healthy. They never even had to go to the ICU unit to be checked out. They were both breathing beautifully on their own. We were thankful beyond words. It defintely took a while to sink in that I had two babies to care for. Two to nurse (quite a chore), two to diaper, two to bathe, two to get to sleep (and stay asleep), etc., all the things that a mother does for her baby. I had a little help in the beginning. Casey's mom took off work for a week and helped take care of Carter so I could adjust with the babies. My mom came down a couple times for a day at a time, when she could. Poor Carter didn't know what to think. All of his friends mom's were having one baby. Why did his mom have two? It was all very confusing, but he adjusted wonderfully. Other than the time I walked in to find him standing on the sofa and holding Sawyer upside down by his feet. He dropped him and I dove and caught him just before he landed. I've never been so scared, mad, so many emotions all at once. That is the closest call we have had up until now.

So it's been a crazy ride, these past 11 months. I wish I would have been blogging all this time, but better now than never. Sawyer and Addyson began sleeping through the night around 9 weeks and life became much easier after that. Before that, I dreaded going to bed each night, knowing I only had a couple of hours. Case was wonderful during this time though. He was back at home working and got up for each feeding. I would nurse one while he changed the other. Then we would switch out. We got it down to an art where we could do it all in 20 minutes. Wow, we thought we had really accomplished something!

They began crawling around 8 months and now they are all over the place. Both are trying to walk and love being outside. Since Carter practically lives outside, this works out great. They love to explore everything and adore the dogs, (who also live outside, I might add). I go to the grocery every week with all three of them and they love it. They all do great though it doesn't leave much room for groceries. On occasion, Case will go with me if it works out and we all love that. It really is so much easier with an extra person! My sister, Jana, lives nearby and helps with them when she is able. She keeps Carter for me every Monday and he just adores her and his four cousins.

So, that's what my last year has entailed. A lot of staying in and taking care of kiddos but I wouldn't change it for anything. I'm looking forward to this summer and being able to get out with them more and explore together. My life is changed forever and I couldn't imagine it any other way.